Alright, so maybe there's no such thing as a "naughty" or "nice" song, but I was trying to fit a Christmas theme and it was the best I could do on short notice.  I love Christmas music, but while there are some that are timeless and beautiful, we're all aware there are a few that don't make the cut and may deserve the proverbial yuletide axe.  Without further ado, my list of Naughty or Nice Christmas Songs.

The Naughty List

Little Drummer Boy:

   Ok, so the spirit of this song is great, I know.  This kid doesn’t have anything of material value so he gives to Jesus the one thing he does have, his ability to beat on a drum.  This is a great message, teaching us that God is asking for our best, and He values things differently than everyone else, but come on!  Put yourself in the original nativity scene for a moment.  Mary is exhausted after giving birth to a baby boy in a stable.  Perhaps this baby has finally drifted to sleep, and everyone is having a quiet of moment of peaceful adoration.  At just this moment, some kid comes along with his poorly made drum, asking to give an extended percussion solo as a gift to the child.  Because as we all know, there is nothing a newborn baby and mother like better than someone loudly banging on a drum during nap time.  I suppose the issue here is whether we give gifts for our benefit or the one receiving the gift.  Maybe both?  Next time kid; write the baby a poem.

I Saw Mom Kissing Santa Claus

   Let me just say I hope that I can someday go a whole December without hearing one Santa song, so I’m already biased against this one.  That being said, what were we thinking?  We’re singing about a kid witnessing his MARRIED MOTHER kissing a BEARDED STRANGER and innocently saying that he hopes dad doesn’t find out.  That’s messed up.  As one guy on Twitter put it, this is a song about a kid learning that celebrities play by different rules than the rest of us.  What a sad, traumatizing tale.  That kid’s going to need counseling.

We Wish You A Merry Christmas

   This song starts out wonderfully; a group of carolers wishing others a merry Christmas and a happy new year.  Sounds unselfish and joyous right?  Well that’s true until the second verse.  Suddenly, this amiable crowd of well-wishers digress into a mob demanding “Figgy Pudding” and demanding it “right here”. 

Now bring us some figgy pudding
Bring us some figgy pudding
Bring us some figgy pudding
And bring it right here!

First of all; figgy pudding?  Really?  Second; you don’t have to be jerks.  Just ask nicely, and you’ll be amazed at what people will do.  Bossy carolers.

The In-Betweens

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

   I love this song.  In fact, it’s probably one of my favorite of the non-carol Christmas songs.  However, it loses some of its luster at one point in the song.  I love the idea of being together with loved ones at Christmas, but when the song says, “In the end we all will be together, if the fates allow”, what does that mean?  First of all, I would think it was ridiculous if it said if fate allows, because I don’t believe in the force of fate, but rather in God.  However, when we say “fates”, it’s more of an allusion to a ancient pagan idea of “gods” guiding history to fit their whims.  What are we, in ancient Rome?  How will I book my plane tickets?  Shall I cut open an animal and examine its entrails for omens?  I’m not sure if Expedia would accept that as a reasonable excuse for cancelling a flight.  Plus, I always feel a little condescending when saying, "Have yourself a merry little Christmas".
 

I Saw Three Ships

   This is a pretty cool song, but what in the world was the writer experiencing?  He claims to have seen, in landlocked Judea I might add, three ships sailing which carried Mary and Jesus.  Why three?  I don’t know.  Why ships?  I don’t know.  Who is this guy who is "seeing" these ships?  I don’t know, but whatever he's smoking, he needs to quit.

Bring A Torch, Jeannette, Isabella

   Great song, but I have a hard time picturing anyone in 1st century Judea being named Jeannette or Isabella.  Just my thoughts.

The Nice List

 O Come, O Come Immanuel

   What a beautiful song that wonderfully captures both the pain and expectation felt by a nation held captive, awaiting a promised Redeemer.  I hope that my life is filled with this same attitude of divine expectation.

O Holy Night

   This song’s first verse and chorus are beautiful, but it gets more majestic and powerful with every subsequent chorus.  “Christ is the Lord!  Oh praise His name forever!  His power and glory evermore proclaim!”  How powerful is that?

What Child Is This
Beside the hauntingly beautiful Greensleaves tune that this song employs are powerful statements like, “This, this is Christ the King”, a statement that rings through history.

Hark The Harold Angels Sing

   The Wesley brothers may have changed history with their powerful preaching, but it was this hymn by Charles Wesley whose triumphant melody and deep theological lyrics have remained a Christmas classic through centuries.

Joy To The World

   "Let every heart prepare Him room!" Enough said.

O Come All Ye Faithful

   I think the chorus, “O come let us adore Him” is among one of the best songs to capture the idea of Christmas as a time of worship.  When the King of kings is present, what choice do you have but to come and bow down in adoration?

  Well, those are my total unsolicited opinions.  Now bring me some figgy pudding!

Comments

[Beth Mason]

Figgy pudding? That sounds terrible... now if it was bring me some butter tarts and bring them right now, I'd be for that! Merry Christmas Jonathan!

[Jonathan Bounds]

I know! Who even has figs this time of year anyway? Thanks for the Christmas greetings!